Month: May 2024

Keeping it real.

Everyone. Nice just he just did it and he and I remember uh, It was so funny. One time though, I did think everyone there was like, it was, I had like so many musicians at my house one day. I just remember, it was like, this is Ed Sheeran John Mayer.

Everyone was like, at my house, and not a lick of music was played. And I and but that’s also, but that’s also amazing too, because that’s crazy that would have been no, no, it’s a place where you want to say to these guys, you fuckers get on these fucking instruments for Christ’s sakes the best.

The best part is is it’s where someone could feel completely like themselves and feel like they don’t have to do that. You know, because people are people are they’re always expected to do that all the time. So if they have a place where they can just chill and like go in my swimming pool and like eat food and and if it happens, sometimes it happens.

Sometimes things like that happen. Yeah. Sometimes they don’t I had Billy Joel of my house one time, you know, I don’t know in a piano or anything. So I brought in a piano player thinking let him play a little bit and Leaves a piano will just be sitting there.

Nothing happened? Yeah, of course, yeah. Wait, what do you think’s gonna happen? I don’t know. You’re just yeah, like Hank’s there. Hey Billy, there’s a piano. Uh, yeah. Like how weird, how weird would you feel if someone was just like, hey man, there’s a mic over there. We got two mics over there and you yeah.

Why don’t you just interview him just for us but if I could play piano but I do that. When we’re sitting at the table, I end up interviewing everybody. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course listen. Yeah. I’m coming over your place. You help me get a number one hit.

I’m sick of this. I’m too old. Not to have had a number one. Hit, you’re a liar. You’re not gonna do it. You’re scared. No, I’m not. I I I’m gonna need you ever in L.A. Now, I rarely get out there because it’s hard. It’s just and I don’t like to fly either.

I’m like you You don’t like flying. Why don’t we not talk about this? You know? I took a boat to Europe, several times. I know you did. You didn’t say you don’t do. Do you fly? Yes, I will get on a plane and fly but I you know, I just took a tour bus.

I took a tour bus literally a week ago, from New York to L.A Well listen, I mean we got so much in common. You’re like a strange version of me. You’re like I’m like if they took me and stretched my body,

And uh anyway, he called an internet radio show for advice. I’m writing a Mother’s Day poem. He was so yeah, here this is for your listening pleasure. We got a caller. All right, we can give them a few minutes caller. You are live question or a comment? Yeah, it’s a pleasure to be on your show.

This is the famous comedian, Andrew Dice, Clay? Hi, shout out to Dice. So, as you know, it’s Mother’s Day, right? And I want to do something special for my mom, okay? What do you think about it, right? My mom, a nice bow. Yeah, Andrew. That’s a great idea. I think you should and I, I think your mother will really appreciate that.

Yeah, and, you know, I’m a big comedian, right? And I want to make it funny. Oh, check this out. Let me know if you think this is too much Mom, you care for me when I was healthy, you care for me when I was sick, thanks for thinking dad’s jizzing, you Snapper, and not sucking his death.

Oh, No no no. You shouldn’t do it. No. Kind of awkward for his son to tell his mother that that she’s sucking her husband’s dick. But if there is a joke that you Andrew Dice, Clay would say cleanly wise, then it’s just enough to let her know that you love her and you you know what?

Things will make her laugh overall. Oh okay. I like that advice. Let me try this. Why did the chicken cross the road? I don’t know. So we can get to my beautiful mother on the other side. Yeah, very nice. All righty. The new dice is reborn. Yes, I can’t wait to share this with Mama.

All right, all right, thank you so much. Bye bye. Shout out to dice. Thanks for being on the show. He has to know that his mother is the most precious human being and she deserves all the respect that he committed to her. All right, I’m going to the next caller.

Hey, it’s the dice man, again, and I gotta tell you, I took you and rice and read that stuff to my mom, but she’s a little upset. Damn, I mean, I did everything. You told me to, you know, hold on a minute. Let me give Mama dice on the phone.

If not pick up the phone. Hey hey Mama Dave don’t you Mama dice me? How dare you give my son? This lame? Bullshit advice about writing me a poem on Mother’s Day, man. I ain’t raised no, fucking snowflake is what he should have written. I love you. Mama your titties and vagina.

If you were a, my old lady, I dropped some Jizz inside you. Oh, Lord. Oh, Mama. That’s fucking hilarious. No, not at all. I I wouldn’t be commenting on titties and vagina, that’s really bad. No, it’s your advice. It’s bad. Don’t turn my sun into a fucking Minnie. Now, here’s what I would have liked to hear Mama.

I love you. I want to give you a kiss on your mouth. So, the whole way you’ve been, oh my goodness. Yeah, that’s a little much that’s really like the fact that she’s enjoying it. That’s that, you know, that it’s completely inappropriate and that she needs to go get some help.

Um, because she’s sick, she’s a sick person. Yeah. Well there you go. Oh, that’s that’s that’s

My Mom is the best. We just watched the T.B. Roast on Netflix where she tolerated the expletives being hurled.

The Brentwood townhouse and Subaru Impreza are awesome.

After working decades at USC, she positioned Joe and I for success. Free university educations through what is known as tuition remission.

Mom, who loved my dog Bessie, fronted most of her care. From paw surgery to Petco and other veterinary bills.

Happy Mom day (Marlene), you deserve all the accolades (Jer).

My parents have a blast, they’re like down. They, they love to have fun and have cocktails and dance and stuff. Uh, but no, I I don’t think that would be something. My parents would be into. Yeah, yeah. Uh they’re not. Yeah. You know, weed you do weed. Do I smoke weed?

Yeah here. Yeah, a little bit. I’m not like a big. I I I’m I’m uh, I love my cocktails. I love a gummy. What do you drink for a cocktail? What are you into? I do love wheat. I mean yeah. But I’m not like I don’t like smoke a ton of it because I don’t like I like it makes me groggy in the morning.

Oh, what do you drink for a cocktail? What’s your cocktail? It depends on the night. I’m kind of into Paper Planes right now. Paper plane. It’s like a bourbon Citrus forward bourbon drink and I like martinis dirty martini. And I like Manhattans and old-fashions dirty. Oh, I like I like alcohol, I better.

But I don’t again, I don’t I, you know. I pick my moments. I gotta get over to that party. Wait till the people see me at the Halloween party